its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
