stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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