sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You're so nebulous sometimes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
