I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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