i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
