that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
