My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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