Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
