come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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