ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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