now i know why i became what i already was.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
