New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
