Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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