My liver just broke up with me...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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