All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
