lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Randomize
