Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize