think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
