Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
