Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
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