Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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