omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
