i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
