I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's not a walk of shame if you run
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
