I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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