During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
