DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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