that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
