I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
