those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
