I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
