Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
