Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
