why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
