It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
