so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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