she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
