toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
