so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
