If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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