don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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