So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
