and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
