Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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