dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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