Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
