Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
