TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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