i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
