She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
